My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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