dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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