Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
