Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
