im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
