Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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