Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
do herpes really smell.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
