oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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