My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
