I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
