Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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