my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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