a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
