I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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