i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
