Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
