So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
