Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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