Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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