all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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