'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
