i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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