Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
