The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
