hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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