It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
