So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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