I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
