hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
