if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
