remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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