WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
being pregnant is like rehab
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
