We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
