i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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