Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just gargled with NyQuil
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
