If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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