My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
