Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
