So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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