best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
