You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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