I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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