I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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