her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
