Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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