How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
