I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
