no, he came in my armpit
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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