Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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