Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
