i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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