last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Sober January is a disaster.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
