This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
