K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
