Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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